One heck of a happy ending
I am not going to lie, this week was difficult. I didn't decide to write weekly blogs for the sole purpose of sharing the positive parts of the process; it's just been very smooth up until this point. I want to look back on what I wrote and reflect on what happened, whether it's good or not so good. That being said, I was overwhelmed, stressed, and disappointed throughout this whole week, but after yesterday, I think it's all going to be okay and although this week wasn't the best, there are still so many more to look forward to.
To begin the week, I only required two characters to be called to rehearsal on Monday and I set very high expectations of my actors, which I think led to how I felt afterward. These two characters have an interesting connection because although they end up a couple at the end of the play, it was not an easy road to get there. Without spoiling too much, I made an effort to make these two similar in how they go about their life and in the end, the audience will be so satisfied when they finally get together. And so, my goal for Monday was to work with both actors and obviously review the scenes that they are in together, but more importantly, have them think about their characters' choices even when not interacting with one another. Overall, the night went well, but I still felt like something was missing.
The first conflict as a director I anticipated and now, experienced is finding the balance between giving your actors directions on how to go about their character versus giving your actors freedom to choose how they go about their character. 99 times out of 100 I would say start by providing your actor with your point of view and they have the right to interpret everything else from there (and asking questions if needed). However, this 1 time, I think it's a little bit different. I wrote this play. I wrote each character with such meaning and purpose that it's very difficult to give my opinion and watch an actor choose a different path. I don't want to limit their creativity by any means, but when it's a character that is so near and dear to my heart, it's hard to let it pass. So, Monday was good, and I am happy with what we accomplished, but I hope my actors know that we still have some work to do.
Wednesday brought up another conflict that I knew was going to a problem as soon as I decided to direct. If you are a leader in any way, you know that determining your overall style is crucial. Let me explain. I am generally a positive guy and like to see the best in people. So, my leadership style consists of a lot of validation, thank yous, and smiles, and that works... most of the time. I love my cast with all of my heart and I don't feel like it's my place to tell them that they are getting off track by talking to one another, but there's a first time for everything. I sat down with my full cast on Wednesday and explained to them how much I want them to connect and bond as actors, but we are around the halfway point and I am getting worried that the time spent on correcting their behavior is piling up and taking away from my time that I want to spend developing my play.
I was stressed, to say the least, to talk about this subject, but I summoned the courage since I couldn't let feeling this walk all over me. After that was all said and done, I didn't see much of a difference in my actors' behavior honestly and I blame myself partly because I didn't follow through. I said what I needed to say, but fell right back into my push-over, "it's okay" type attitude, which I realized will only get me so far. I, by no means, want to act rude to my actors, but I think I need to be a little more assertive and remember why I am doing what I am doing. I want to share my play with everyone who decides to watch it in April and I want it to be the best it can be and I can't achieve that unless I do what I want to do. I hope my actors respect my decisions, but more importantly, respect me and use our rehearsal time wisely. Ok, I know this is a longer blog post, but don't worry, this week has one heck of a happy ending.
Last night was the third annual Hilltop Players Cabaret and a lot happened that made me realize I still do love my cast and I know that they will never let me down. My wonderful producer, Jenna Topping put together a packet titled "Love Notes to Alex from the Stars of The Love Star", which consisted of individualized notes from each of my cast members that reminded me that we all share one goal. We all want to put on one great show and I am hoping they trust me and themselves to do that. Then at the actual event, I watch 5 out of my 8 cast members perform in different ways. From hosting to improv to singing, they are all so talented in their own way and I feel grateful that they are a part of my show. Even to those that weren't performing, I appreciate them too in their own ways. I will be shocked if anyone actually reads this blog post all the way through, but for me, I just need to remind myself of this crazy week. The quote couldn't be more accurate. I have forgiven my actors for how they have behaved, but I cannot forget what I need to do to follow through and hopefully, they will reciprocate. I have made mistakes, but it's okay, I think I know how to learn from them. I am excited and more hopeful for the future, now more than ever. Until next time!
"You have to take the good with the bad, smile when you're sad, love what you've got and remember what you had... Always forgive but never forget, learn from your mistakes but never regret." ~ Joel Osteen