Until Now
This week was fun. It allowed me to do something that I have always loved to do, but I never was fully able to since I was never the director. For years, I have had always been obsessed with good actors being able to change the delivery of their lines based on what the director would tell them, but what's even more impressive is a director giving the right direction to the actor to produce what the audience sees. If you're confused about what I am trying to say, I apologize, I am constantly struggling with putting this experience into words. As simple as I can put it, actors are amazing because they can interpret a character's lines in one way, but what makes them even better is when they change their original thought because of what a director says. But what makes the actor able to change their thought comes from the director, which in my show, is me.
If you ever caught a glimpse of what my rehearsal schedule looks like, February is a month of calling some actors, but not everyone and I did that on purpose. I have some days where I only need 2 people just because I don't want anyone to be a potential distraction if they don't have to be. And since my goal for this play isn't just to tell my actors when to walk or sit or articulate, I needed more individual time with each one. I want my actors to fully comprehend every line and decision their character makes and as I have discovered, some are already doing a really good job of it!
On Monday, I did call 7 out of the 8 actors, but we only did what involved all of them at once and if there is a part of a scene that involves two characters, I made a mental note to come back to it. If you are unfamiliar with the show's premise, there are 5 students who are all high school seniors with the same class schedule and their teacher makes her around, to say the least. A lot of what I saw was what I envisioned, but there were also some things I had to question. My hope was that if I use the character's name and use second-person pronouns, it will cement the character's objectives, rather than the actor's. It felt weird to have so much control over them and for some of the things I said, I had no idea if they actually obtained it. But then they did the scene again. It was like watching a brand new scene. As I said, actors are amazing.
Wednesday was arguably even better. The only people I wanted were my main character with his mom and his sister. When I wrote this story, I was constantly thinking of how similar I want this little family to be, but also how to make them different. As you will see in April, they all have different ways of going about their life, but in the end, they all come together and love each other. I received one of the nicest messages from one of my actors after that rehearsal and it really made me realize how much I do. I am never one to brag or draw attention to myself; I just like to do my job, do it well, make me people smile along the way and that's all I usually need. However, as you probably know, I am always fearful of change or uncertainty, and that's what this experience is so I haven't really taken the time to appreciate what I have accomplished already. Until now.
The text I received combined with a recent conversation I had with a friend of mine who was pleasantly shocked when he found that I wrote my own play, soon to be performed on a stage. I would be lying if I said I wasn't proud of myself. It has been a long process to write this play and get it approved and everything, which was something I will never discredit, but something I have to remind myself is how nervous I was to start directing a couple of short weeks ago. Don't get me wrong, I am still constantly facing little bumps in the fear department and I think that's why this quote of the week spoke to me so much. After every rehearsal, I have felt more and more accomplished and like I am where I am supposed to be. I am used to not giving myself enough recognition and it's time to change that. To be clear, that doesn't mean I will change who I am and start bragging all over the place. I just need to reflect on each experience I have the privilege of doing. Little obstacles to me may not be so little to someone looking in from the outside. Even if I didn't think I was capable at first or that I am not doing a good job, I need to appreciate now and forever. Until next time!
"You gain strength and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing you think you cannot do" ~ Eleanor Roosevelt