One Thing at a Time
Life is weird. I knew that going into this experience, but about a week into it makes the word unpredictable sound like not enough. The first two rehearsals of The Love Star are over and there's absolutely nothing I can change about them now. There are no words that would express my inner feelings throughout the two nights because it was truly all over the place. Now that I have experience being in the director position, I can actually say this without just assuming based on observation: directing is a lot of work. Not to worry, I still love it and cannot wait to continue, but as I will get into, I left both Monday and Wednesday's rehearsal feeling exhausted and I wish I was exaggerating.
I wanted my full cast and crew, which is 23 people, all there to get acquainted with one another, but more importantly, it was my opportunity to make my expectations very clear and let me tell you, there were a lot of expectations. As a future teacher and someone who doesn't deal with unprofessionalism well, I was hoping to limit anything that may hinder productivity by unloading everything that I had to say all in a couple of hours. We played games to separate the probable boredom, but nothing was going to stop me from talking about what I believe needed to be said. Anything from my quiet coyote tactic to passing out rehearsal calendars, I covered it. Then, after what seemed like days, I was able to start our read-through. Although I had a pit in my stomach that I threw way too much information at my poor cast and crew, I knew it had to be done. I am praying that they understood my perspective and know that I am just trying to make it the most organized and communicative as it can be.
The read-through blew past my expectations and I couldn't contain my happiness. All of the words that I have worked so hard on were being read out loud by the same actors that will be acting them out for this whole process. And best of all, there was laughter! I always told my friends and family that my writing is my kind of humor and I have no idea if it will translate well to the public, but I guess I was wrong because there were many times throughout the night that laughter ran through the auditorium! I wish I could bottle up my happiness at that moment and keep it with me when the stress comes along. We ended on the saddest scene in the whole show, but as mentioned in my expectations, I don't want to hold my actors later than 10:00, and time was not in our favor. And just like I thought, my first rehearsal ended before I could even think about it.
Wednesday was a whole different story. I only required my 8 actors to attend so it made it a little easier to handle and my insecurity of being judged was definitely not as strong. Not gone completely though. We started to block the show and that was another experience I have never done and it was insane doing it. I felt like I was overstepping and even getting annoyed with myself at one point. It's so weird having such a vivid picture of what you want your actors to do at a certain point and them not just doing it. I had to constantly remind myself that if I let the scene run on, the actors would most likely not move because they obviously can't read my mind. I am looking forward to the opening night more than ever, but this past week really opened my eyes even wider of how truly difficult this process will be. But that isn't a problem. If this was an easy process, I would not be as proud as I will be in a few short months. I know that in the long run, everything I have done, everything my actors and crew have learned will all be worth it, but until the terrifyingly anticipated day of April 16th arrives, I will just have to tackle one thing at a time.
Before I end this post, I have to make it extremely clear that I believe deep down that everything will work out in the end, I really do, but for some odd reason, doubt and uncertainty cover up the optimism. I can't help but think that I could be doing things better or more efficiently or maybe even giving my actors more of an opportunity to do their own thing. But, as I mentioned earlier, a vivid picture has been in my head for months and if I don't have the confidence to share it, that picture will stay in my head forever The quote for this week leads me to logically think through how ambitious this goal was in the first place. My dream since last year has been to put my original play on a stage and I would be lying to everyone if I thought it could just happen on its own. I can't give up, no matter how apprehensive I am to make a new decision or how annoying I feel when talking to my cast/crew. All of us will have to stay motivated through what seems impossible to make my dream into a reality. Until next time!
"A dream doesn't become reality through magic; it takes sweat, determination, and hard work" ~ Colin Powell