Unexpectedly Expected
Auditions are over. January 22, 2020, has become history and I have still not fully accepted it. I have had a couple of people ask me how they went and all I can tell them is that it went well. And that's because they did. I have never experienced so many different emotions in one night but I still enjoyed every minute of it, even if it might not have seemed like it at the time.
It started like any other audition, getting there earlier than any other actor to set up and mentally prepare myself for what was about to happen. To my surprise, as I was putting up the audition sign up sheet, three people were behind me, anxiously waiting for me to be done. The next hour or so was full of pacing, sighing, and stressing. More and more people arrived that I didn't even expect to be there in the first place. I felt so accomplished that there were people who put their trust into my play, not knowing anything about it, but at the same time, there were 21 people all eager and all expecting a role. That meant out of these 21 excited people who looked up to me in this situation, 13 of them were about to be disappointed. As much as I truly do believe that the backstage crew is just as important as acting, some of the auditioners would disagree. I was pleasantly surprised by how close to 6:30 we were actually able to start since I guess everyone understood that I wanted to start on time.
Once I started talking to all of the actors, there was no going back. I had started the auditions and there was nothing that would stop it. One by one, each person walked in, did their monologue and walked out. When I say that each audition was great, that doesn't sound like I am sincere, but I truly do mean that because it made the whole process a lot harder. Everyone who came through the doors brought a level of acting I didn't know some of them had. Once they were all over with, I had my first big decision to make and it wasn't an easy one: who was going to be called back and who wasn't. There was not one person that I knew what to do with confidence and it felt like it would never end.
Callbacks were a whole different story. I have been prepared for this day for months, but now that there were people waiting for me and only me to make the next move, I panicked. According to outside sources, I seemed to have it under control, but to me, it was a whirlwind of chaos. Never have I been happier than when I heard part of my script being read out loud by real humans. It was a feeling I will never forget. I didn't want to end because I knew what was coming. The casting.
I hate decisions in fear that it will result in something unexpected. But sometimes in life, you got to take a risk and just go for it. Every character needed to go with an actor and although it may seem easy from a distance, it was far from it. I was literally on the ground contemplating what could go wrong. At the end of the night, I knew I could rest because I strongly believe that what I decided on was the right choice. Sure, I probably hurt some people's feelings, but it's only temporary. Life is what you make of it and you can only control how you react. I love my cast and my crew with every ounce of my heart and I cannot wait to get started with rehearsals in a couple of days! If I were to give any advice on how to handle auditions, let me say that it's not going to go exactly how you planned, but it's going to speed by you and before you think about what's going on, it's over. I realize now that everything that happened on that night resulted in all I wanted. Happiness and confidence in my production. I couldn't ask for anything more. So through all of the scenes and monologues and people I interacted with, in the end, it was unexpectedly expected.
The quote for this week I found when looking for inspirational quotes that relate to everything working out and not worrying about things that you have no control over. I believe that I will need this quote throughout this process and never lose my optimism. I am a natural worrier so I already can envision myself down the road stressed out about a different problem at hand, but I cannot forget how much I have accomplished already. Everything that I do, that my actors do, or that my crew does will be all worth it in the end and result in one amazing show that I wish would never end. For now, I just need to start reviewing my rehearsal schedules and ensuring that I stay organized and prepared for each and every time I meet with this group of people. Until next time!
"Sometimes the best thing you can do is not think, not wonder, not imagine, not obsess. Just breathe and have faith that everything will work out for the best" ~ Anonymous