Ready or Not
I have spent the majority of my winter break proofreading/reformatting my writing, creating rehearsal plans/schedules, buying materials that will definitely be used for color-coding, and mentally preparing myself for what's heading my way. After a year and a half with the Hilltop Players, I can say with confidence that I have learned so much about how productions work in general and what makes a show successful. For my personal benefit, I have been writing out a specific plan for each day we have a scheduled rehearsal and exactly what I want to mention to the actors at certain points to hopefully guide them in the right direction. The keyword is hopefully. I can only hope that my countless hours of preparation pay off and that everything will run smoothly, but with years of experience in theater, I know that things hardly work out exactly how you originally thought. One of the qualities I hope to never lose, especially while directing, is optimism. The mindset that even if things are going poorly, there's always a bright side, something to make it all worth it. I am making a goal for myself to remain level-headed and understanding when issues arise to limit wasted time. That's why I have been a bit overboard with how much I have thought about, so that way if something doesn't work out, there will be something else to focus on.
Planning and staying organized is something I strongly believe is manageable and as of now, I feel good about those skills, which should limit the amount of error. However, an issue that continuously floats in my brain is how I want to be as a director. People know me in Hilltop. I have had the privilege of working on multiple shows as mainly a stage manager and I have loved every second of it and as far as I can tell, people love working with me. In a perfect world, nothing would make me happier than going into directing without really thinking about exactly how I am going to be, but there is an issue with that. I am all about consistency so I would never want to be extremely flexible or easy-going about something, but then change my mood to more close-minded depending on what I wanted. So, I have to determine if I want to let my actors be independent and trust their instincts or flip that and limit their input to allow me to give them insight. My solution is to find a middle ground and stay that way throughout the whole process. I want to be understanding and listen to what my actors prefer, while also keeping in mind what I envision. I am not used to making decisions on my own or having the final say, so it might be a little unusual at first, but I think it will prove to be beneficial in the end. I have to find the courage I know I have to trust myself and my intuition because this production is going to start very soon, whether I am ready or not.
The only person I can strongly predict that will get in my way for the next couple of months is myself. There will be times where I planned everything and the rehearsal is going how I want, but the back of my brain will try to convince me I could be doing more. or doing it a different way, but in most cases, that is irrational. I need to remember that everything happens for a reason and even if it seems like it's not what was supposed to be in the moment, I could look back on it down the road, and realize it was exactly what I needed. Thank you for making it this far in the post and please know that it was not meant to scare you out of pushing yourself to try new things. I think my biggest issue is that when I know what's coming, I get more stressed waiting for it and once I am in it, it gets much better. For now, I will continue to plan and think through every potential issue until the very last minute before it's actually happening. The quote for this week has been one of my favorites for so long and I think it is something I have to constantly remind myself. I am going to put 100% of my effort into this show, but even if it's not perfect, I should be so proud of myself for taking a risk and doing something not everyone gets a chance to do. Until next time!
"Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars." ~ Les Brown